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Pete Hegseth responded to criticism that he plans to livestream the execution of Nidal Hasan, noting that that bastard had killed 13 American patriots and injured 30 more on a US military base. With a facial expression somewhere between a smile and a smirk, he offered the message that this evil terrorist was getting off easy.
“The next son of a bitch who messes with American Army personnel will not be treated as well. That bastard will be water boarded to make sure we get every bit of information out of him. Then we’ll hold his execution on Pennsylvania Avenue in front of a large contingent of American patriots in the stands, and I’m sure that they will cheer as he hits the ground. Then we are going to parade him around the White House grounds for all to see. Sounds like good TV to me.
“For this guy Hasan, I’m sure that every soldier that’s worth our respect will want to be on the firing squad that will take him down. We can accommodate only so many, but the others can be spectators. Or maybe we’ll consider selling tickets to the highest bidders, but I fear that we’ll be so overwhelmed by requests to be shooters and spectators that we may have to do it by lottery. And now that I think of it, why reserve our executions for streaming. We can do them live in prime time. I’m sure that Fox or CBS will pay dearly for the rights. I’ve got it–we’ll do it at halftime on Monday Night Football.”
Asked about the means of the next terrorist’s execution, Hegseth noted that while he liked to be decisive about things like this, he was uncertain at this point how the bastard would be killed. “We’ll have none of this namby-pamby fatal injection stuff. You see how that worked in Tennessee. Any way, just letting someone fade and die doesn’t isn’t dramatic to discourage the next maniac or coward. Ideally we’d have a good deal of blood involved, so I’m leaning against electrocution even though screaming and twitching might be cool. So right now I’m torn between beheading and public hanging. Gee, I feel like a kid in a candy store. There are so many tasty options that it’s hard to decide.
Oh, but why didn’t I think of this. I’ve just received a text from our Great President suggesting that we have the prisoner stoned. This way we could not only sell tickets to watch, but allow the good white Christian citizens of this great land to take personal pride in the proceedings, to feel as if they had personally carried out our rightful vengeance. Participation, that’s the mark of a true democracy.”
“But sir,” asked someone in the direction of CNN, “isn’t that barbaric? Is that not how a great democracy was meant to be run?”
“Yeah, that’s what several of my generals and admirals said when I told them of our plan. So let me assure you that the retirement packages they will receive will be quite generous, considerably more than any of those wokesters deserve.”
