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In response to why the President was planning to focus his big speech on revisiting the 2020 election and electoral fraud when there were so many important and immediate issues that were of greater relevance, Karoline Leavitt responded—and I’m not making this up, folks—that the President could “walk and chew gum” at the same time, implying, we have to assume, that he could handle many issues on many fronts simultaneously.
Which gets us to the single most important question of the day: Can this President walk and chew gum–at the same time?
It is true that we have seen the President walk. Occasionally when getting up and down the stairs to a Presidential plane, he has stumbled, but the evidence is fairly substantial that the old man can still physically put one foot in front of the other, regardless of whether he knows where he’s going.
On the gum front, although not a prolific public chewer, President Trump has also been seen with a stick of Wrigley’s in his mouth, most notably at his 2024 trial proceedings, where he was spotted with a gob of the sticky substance in his jaw.
But can the man do both simultaneously? We know, for instance, that the man is a master at the mini-mental status exam. He can count backward by sevens, and while some people of otherwise high intelligence can name animals found on the farm, but not in the jungle, the man who resides in the White House can easily provide the names of cows and pigs as well as lions and tigers. If foot transportation and the chewing of gum were on these tests of cognitive ability, we know he would pass with flying colors.
We also know that he is a creative thinker. Remember back to the COVID era when scientific experts were urging us to wash products we touched with various antiseptics in order to kill the virus. The man who can both walk and chew gum said publicly that if products such as Lysol could kill the virus externally, perhaps we ought to consider a swig of that tasty liquid to kill off those dastardly microbes internally. Trump still believes that scientists were simply too closed-minded to give it a try. But my guess is that the larger problem Dr. Deborah Birx had with her President’s advice was that she almost peed in her pants trying to stifle the wave of laughter that came over her when she heard the insights of our walker-gum chewer.
Although the President never mentioned it in his speech last night, we at Kruscontrol have heard a rumor about another one of Mr. Trump’s latest brilliant and creative solutions. The Pres has two terrible natural disasters on his hands. First are the terrible fires that are raging out of control in places such as Denver, San Francisco, and Canada. Second are the torrential rains and flooding all over Texas.
So does Trump have the answer? Of course—it’s easy-peasy: In fire country there’s not enough water, and in flooded places there’s too much. So the solution is as apparent as gulping Lysol—take all the excess water from Texas and transport it to where the fires are. Texans stay dry, and the fires go out. Only a genius, a man who can chew gum and walk on water at the same time, could possibly have thought of that.
Yes, this is a man who can walk and chew gum—at the same time.
This is a man who is known to put one foot in front of the other while masticating in public.
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