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Thank you, Mr. Trump, for your willingness to sit down with us. We will be asking you some tough questions and we are pleased that you have promised to give us straight answers.
The first question is pretty straightforward: In your understanding, who is to blame for the war in Ukraine?
Oh, I thought the questions would be tough because that’s an easy one. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Zelenskyy shares the blame with Vladimir Putin for getting millions of people killed. After all, you don’t start a war against someone 20 times your size and then hope that people will give you some missiles.
A quick follow-up, sir. On what basis do you know that Zelenskyy started the war?
You guys just don’t get it. I’ve got the word from the horse’s mouth. Who would know the facts better than my source. Putin explained it very carefully to me, and I have no reason to doubt him.
Just before your meeting with Mr. Putin, you said that you expected a cease fire, and that if the Russians continued to bombard Ukraine with drones and missiles they would face severe consequences.
Well, you know that I say lots of things. But the brilliance of a great leader is flexibility, to say one thing and then do just the opposite a moment later. Mr. Putin made me realize that we should think in the long term, that a cease fire now would mean thinking in the short term, and not paying attention to a long-term peace. So for now, I’ll do what I always do when bad things happen. I’ll look the other way. After all, what’s a couple of more Ukrainian widows and orphans in the grand scheme of things. And let me tell you suckers, it’s really all for the best.
Even though you’ve gotten no change nor any concessions or movement from the Russians, I believe you called the meeting a 10, that you had a fantastic relationship with the Russian leader, and that you got along great. In the past, while you’ve called American and world leaders crazy, weak, sleepy, over-rated, and dishonest, you’ve called Putin “highly respected,” “tough as hell,” and “smart and savvy.”
Yep, he’s my kind of dictator. Good old Vlady, I think we’ll make a great deal—and ya know, he’ll do it just for me, his good friend.”
But sir is there any chance he’s just playing you?
Sir, come back… please. I didn’t mean it. Really I didn’t.
Oh my, he’s gone.
And out of earshot?? On second thought, I really did mean it—a lot.
