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Using all caps, Donald Trump announced the monumental agreement he had crafted to end the war in Ukraine. Jubilant, he announced for all the world: PIECE IN OUR TIME!!
So what does this tell us about Mr. Trump?
1—That the dummy does not know how to spell!
2—Spelling aside, apparently this brilliant student of military and political history hadn’t realized that he had just borrowed from Neville Chamberlain the notorious declaration that was followed just under a year later by Hitler’s invasion of Poland.
“Who can deny me the Nobel Prize now,” wrote the Dealmaker-in-Chief. “The killing is over and piece will prevail. I will go down in the history books as the greatest ruler, the greatest negotiator of all time. There is something in this agreement for everybody. All winners, no losers. I have ushered in a period of piece and prosperity that the world has never seen before.”
So what’s in the deal? First of all, Putin must be very happy. He gets to keep all of Crimea, and he gets to keep all of Luhansk and Donetsk and the Dombas. “ After all,” he declared, “we are just reacquiring what was ours in the first place. The people in those regions love us. They have all wanted to be part of Mother Russia all along. We get this idea from the wonderful Americans in that place they call Texas. After all, what we are doing is simply what they call re-districting. And isn’t it nice that the main square in downtown Kyiv will now be known as Putin Place.
“But they drove a hard bargain. We have given many concessions,” said the Russian leader. “ We are being nice to allow a few parts of the country to stay with Ukraine, and, yes, we were very generous in agreeing that Volodymyr Zelenskyy will not face a firing squad. In fact, we will find him a nice little house on the outskirts of Kyiv, and we will even allow him to emigrate to Hollywood if he want to start up his old career as TV comedian.
“And this will bring many good economies to both countries. Mr. Trump will remove all tariffs from Russian goods, so that the people of the US can drink all the vodka that they want at good price. We will build beauty of a Trump golf course at edge of Moscow, and we will import many Trump bible. Even better, we invest in cryptocurrency which might help put many rubles in the hands of some influential US peoples.
“Most of all, we believe in peace. We have given Mr Trump an absolute promise not to invade Estonia, Latvia, or Lithuania.
“For at least two years.”
