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Breaking news: Yesterday the value of the Saudi lottery reached an all-time high, 454 million dollars. People from Riyadh to Medina lined up at state lottery offices for their chance to become instant millionaires. Then the seven magic numbers were drawn and it turns out there was a single winner.
To the great surprise of the Saudi populace, the grand prize winner was a fortunate American who purchased a single ticket online, one Donald J Trump. “Gee, I just bought that ticket on a lark,” said Mr. Trump, who was ecstatic. “Gosh,” he said, “this could come in handy.”
When asked about the timing of Mr. Trump’s win and the exact amount, His Royal Highness Prince Mohammed bin Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, found nothing unusual about either. “Just a coincidence,” said the esteemed leader. “Everybody gets an equal chance of winning, and some people are just luckier than others. Personally, I have no interest in American politics.”
Comments have come in from around the world. New York Attorney General Letitia James said that she was dumbstruck and was having a hard time chalking this one up to serendipity. “OMG,” she exclaimed, “I’m so sad. I was looking forward to owning Trump Tower.”
Marjorie Taylor Greene insisted that there was no hanky-panky going on, and that there was not a shred of evidence that a foreign state was interfering in US politics. “In fact,” she opined, “this provides good evidence that the Jewish lasers from outer space have not been effective in changing the odds of owning the winning ticket.”
Lindsey Graham chimed in, saying, “If Trump says it’s on the up and up, I’m sure it’s on the up and up. In fact, since my conversion to the cult, I can state with robotic certainty that everything that that man does and says is true, honest, and all-American.”
Finally, Vladimir Putin said, “This is good idea. I think I buy lotto ticket myself. Who knows,” he added with his familiar smirk, “I might get lucky.”
OMG!