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President JD Vance entered the solemn room, and spoke to the hastily gathered crowd.
“Well, as you know, some of us had misgivings about that big Presidential jet that Qatar gave us, but our late President was all for it. Mr. Trump personally hired the best no-bid security people he could find. He had it checked out mechanically from top to bottom, had every screw and nail inspected by a firm recommended by the folks at Fox News, and all workers on it had to pass a high level security clearance personally supervised by Pete Hegseth.
“He loved the luxury of that aircraft in the short time he spent in it—well, until the moment that it blew up into millions of tiny pieces at 33,000 feet, ironically right over Trump Tower as it was headed toward Laguardia.
“I regret to say that Don Jr and Eric were on the plane with their dad, although luckily Melania cancelled her trip with them at the very last moment, after taking a hurried phone call in the airport.
“Although we have do not have any definitive evidence yet as to the identity of the perpetrators, at this very moment Israeli bombers are lighting up the skies over our former ally Qatar, and Zohran Momdani, Chuck Schumer, and James Comey have all been taken in for questioning.
“Rescue crews are combing the East River to find any bit of evidence, anything more than a meter in size, given the violence of the explosion, but nothing much has turned up. Miraculously, however, the President’s MAGA hat was seen floating over the wreckage. It was recovered and for the next several days it will lie in state. If he were alive, Mr. Trump would tell us that the viewing line will be the longest anyone has ever known.
