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This Presidential election is just waiting to be stolen by the Democrats, and believe it or not, Joe Biden has opened up the possibility, however unintentionally. But it is a heist that requires true imagination, precise planning, and immaculate coordination and execution.
My hopes are inspired by the events of 1990 when two thiefs walked into the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston, tied up the guards, and walked off with 500 million dollars worth of art. No alarm ever went off, nobody has a clue as to the identity of the perpetrators, and 34 years later the art has yet to be found.
Are the Democrats as smart of those two? Can they actually pull off my multi-faceted plan? I doubt it, but whether or not it happens, at least you read the blueprint for the perfect political heist here.
Step 1. Away with Biden. The script: It’s not simply that Joe is old and demented, but doctors have advised him that he has some complex, but little-known illness that threatens his life expectancy. Loving his country, but also loving his wife and family, Joe has decided to follow the advice of his doctors and ride out the years he has remaining in peace rather than battling the forces of evil, internal and external. In essence, Joe has decided to enter political hospice.
Step 2, Part 1. Away, sort of, with Kamala Harris. Democratic strategists who know which candidates are liked and whose who are not recognize that a switch to Kamala for President would be relatively straightforward, but absolutely self-defeating. Quite simply, Trump would cream Ms. Harris even worse than he would Biden. Enter Step 2, Part 1, inspired by my friend Zick Rubin. It is both brilliant and complex, and capable of taking care of two birds with one stone. My friend points out that in these tumultuous times, few people have taken notice that Justice Sonia Sotomayor is not exactly a well woman. Although “only” 70, she has diabetes, and watchers of the Supreme Court are terrified that she will “pull a Ginsburg,” which is an inelegant way of saying that she might not last another four years. If Trump were to be able to appoint her successor, the Court would lean so far right that it might as well be a tower in Pisa.
Solution: Like the President, esteemed Justice Sotomayor would step aside for health reasons. Joe Biden, still in office, would appoint the current Vice President to replace her. Kamala would accept, preferring the option of an attractive bird-in-the-hand over taking her chances vs Trump. And voila, the choice of a Democratic Presidential (and Vice Presidential) candidate is as wide open as it could be.
Step 2, Part 2. Anointing a prodigy to step in. But of course, the one thing that would be even worse than having either Joe or Kamala as your standard bearer would be letting all hell break loose as the Democratic candidates bludgeon each other in the course of vying for the open spot. So Step 2 Part 2 is a strategy that some would describe as “quiet diplomacy” and others would characterize as “super-heavy-handed-arm-twisting.” The Democrats would call in all the big guns: Joe and his senior advisors, both Obama’s, Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, and Bill Clinton–all with a single, very focused goal: agree on ONE candidate, someone they could get behind and get excited about. Then get in touch quickly and quietly with all the pretenders, the Gavin Newsom’s, the Gretchen Whitmer’s, the Amy Klobuchar’s of the world, and–whether by carrot and/or by stick—convince them to get onboard. The message: a) we have already picked a candidate, and it’s not you; and b) if you want a future in this Party, you had better fall in line, enthusiastically and quickly.
Step 3. Announce the candidate, back him to the hilt, and win. Drum roll, please. Ladies and gentlemen, we deeply regret that our beloved Joe Biden will not be able to continue, and we applaud the nomination of Kamala Harris to the Supreme Court. But it is time to turn the corner. It is time to hand the future over to someone young, someone vibrant and energetic, someone with a new vision for the future of this country, someone who has served his country valiantly as a soldier in Afghanistan. In short, he is everything that our Republican opponent is not. We give you the Governor of the great state of Maryland and the next President of these United States, Wes Moore.
The strategy is not new. It’s called go-big-or-go-home, and it’s 100% risky. If it succeeds, there will be lots of credit to go around. If it fails, there will be lots of people who dare not show their faces. But there is every chance that the Democratic power brokers have uncovered the next JFK, or maybe the next Barack Obama, a fresh face, an energizing presence who presents a real alternative to the vicious, and now-old-seeming, Donald Trump.
And I’m thinking that Wes Moore will generate a new wave of enthusiasm behind him that we haven’t seen around here in a long time.
I hear that he even knows where the Stewart Museum art is hidden.
