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We should have anticipated what might be coming when that pacifist, Donald J Trump, made the name change from the Department of Defense to the Department of War.
“Defense” is so wishy-washy,” said he.” As long as I’m in charge, we intend to be offensive in every sense of the word. I’m the most offensive President this country has ever known and we intend to have no equal in being the most offensive country in the world. I said I’d stay away from wars, but I’ve got this huge army and so many missiles, so we might as well do as we please. I’ve often said that I really don’t like killing, but once you’ve got blood on your hands, it’s hard not to want more.
“ Venezuela and Maduro, it was almost too easy. We encountered almost no resistance, we captured the guy and brought him back here. But, you know, it would have been so much easier to finish the job right there. My followers understand now that I’m a take-no-prisoners kind of guy. It’s like when we spotted those small Venezuelan boats. If we miss on the first try, heaven forbid, and you try to hang on to whatever’s left–sorry fella, boom, you’re gone.”
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We at Kruscontrol have just intercepted a highly secret document, correspondence between Donald Trump and Stephen Miller, the only person that the President trusts to be as malicious, unprincipled, and blood-thirsty as he. The document, written by Miller for the attention of the King only, reads:
Proposal: Classified! Top Secret! For Your Eyes Only!
Mr. President, we have been so successful in taking out our greatest international enemies. But, as you tell me every day, the greatest dangers to this great nation are internal, not external. We have attempted to get rid of the riff-raff, the brown-skinned, foreign-language-speaking scum, but there are just so many of those vermin that it’s hard to make a difference—and there are just as many of those woke, bleeding heart protestors that it’s hard to get rid of them too, even though they deserve to die.
But we know that you have to cut off the head of the opposition, that people like Khomeini have to be, as we’ve said about his stocks or uranium, obliterated. My plan is brilliant. I call it Project No-More-Leaders.
The plan. Multiple attacks at multiple sites:
In the East: We need to send only two squadrons of bombers. Schumer lives in Brooklyn and would be an easy target. If you want Mamdani as well, and even Ocasio-Cortez, it is almost one stop shopping in New York City. It wouldn’t be too far a trip to target Hillary in Chappaqua, although you’d have to let us know whether you’d want us to take out Bill as well.
Midwest: It would take no more than a plane or two to get Pence in Indiana. If that bastard knew his place, you would have been in the White House instead of that idiot Biden, so he’s got it coming. (And, by the way, is Joe worth a side trip to Delaware for our East Coast avengers?)
West Coast: Oh, so may great soft targets. Adam Schiff and Gavin Newsome are almost neighbors, and it’s just a quick jaunt to San Fran to take out your old friend Nancy.
Brilliant and decisive, it could all be done in a matter of hours. Think of a world where you didn’t have to listen to those evil, unpatriotic Democrats.
And nobody would ever say a word against you again.
Guaranteed.
