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“But, sir, the people of Greenland don’t want to be part of the United States,” said the reporter.
“That’s not my concern,” said the President, “I only care what I want. And I want those folks to be part of the United States, so it will be. Next question.”
“But how will you annex it. The Danes own it and they don’t want to sell.”
“Well, you know I can be very persuasive. They wouldn’t be the first people who got an offer they couldn’t refuse. I think they realize that there are always consequences of not going along with what I want. I could use the carrot or I could use the stick. We have a pretty large army, you know.”
“You don’t mean that you’d use military force, do you?”
“Well, all I can tell you is that if we did, we’d do it better than Putin. They’ll listen to reason or they’ll be sorry. I won’t take anything off the table, not even the nuclear option.”
“You mean you’d consider nuking them?”
“Like I said, everything is on the table. My Secretary of Defense is sending out top secret military plans at this very moment. If you want to know what they are, just ask Jeffrey Goldberg. He’s in on everything.”
Greenland will be the 51st state then?
Well, you’re right about 51st state, but of course we’ll give it a new name. Red-White-and-Blue-Land. I kind of like the ring of it.”
