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Dr. Eugene Mc Dermott, Director of the American College of Cardiology, announced a major breakthrough today in the treatment of heart disease. The noted cardiac surgeon announced that he and his colleagues at Johns Hopkins came to the sudden recognition that they had been approaching heart disease in all the wrong ways for many years.
“We’ve tried statins, we’ve inserted stents, and still people were dying from clogged arteries. But the President approached us and humbly suggested that although he has no medical training, the problem is relatively simple,” he said. “Mr Trump pointed out that arteries are basically like pipes, and that when people have trouble with clogged pipes they simply pour a couple of cups of Drano into the plumbing, and voila, the problem is solved.”
On the advice of the President, who we believe to be a very stable genius,” said McDermott, “we have begun to inject Drano and other brands of lye into our patients’ veins.” McDermott noted that so far not a single patient has complained after receiving what has come to be known as TDAA, for the Trump-Drano Arterial Approach. In fact, not one patient has uttered a single word after receiving the new experimental treatment.
Upon hearing this monumental announcement, leaders in a variety of medical fields have flocked to consult the President for guidance. Currently promising trials are underway for the treatment of dwarfism. Dr. William Farnsworth, the leading medical expert in this area, just announced, “It is hard to imagine that I and none of my medical hotshot colleagues had ever realized that all it would require to overcome this condition would be a box of Miracle-Gro.”
