Dominoes Toppled: Trump’s New World Order

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The world order had been lined up for many years like dominoes, neatly but delicately stacked, resisting numerous events that threatened to make it all topple.

Then Donald Trump and Volodymyr Zelenskyy sat down together in the White House for a simple made-for-TV signing event. Trump was interested in getting mineral rights and getting the hell out of there. Zelenskyy was interested in the security of his country.

Trump began bullying Zelenskyy and—unbelievably–Zelenskyy zealously defended his country, not willing to be trampled by this bully any more than his soldiers were willing to lay down in front of the Russian tanks. And Trump steamed!!!

After the meeting, and following his standard practice that anyone who doesn’t kowtow before him must suffer, the US President literally and figuratively played his Trump Card, declaring that the US would no longer support Ukraine militarily or in any other way. Feeling smug that he had an excuse for what he really wanted to do anyway, Trump played the strong man and felt that adrenaline rush that bullies feel when their henchmen bring opponents down to the ground and kick them till they’re coughing blood.

But then the _ _it hit the fan, in more or less the following order:

Appalled that anyone could nakedly abandon an ally in need, England announced that Trump was no longer welcome to visit the King.
Appalled that England dared to be appalled, Trump upped the anti big-time by announcing that if he wasn’t welcomed in England, it must mean that no Americans are welcomed. Trump immediately cut off all travel by US citizens to England till further notice. “And it you really really want to go there,” said the Potentate of DC, “buy a one-way ticket cause we’re not letting you back in.”
England appealed to its NATO members for solidarity, and got an near-unanimous response. Going tit-for-tat, they imposed their own travel ban, vowing that Americans would no longer be welcomed in Europe. Virtually every NATO member agreed to the ban, even Turkey, which probably had no idea what it was signing. The only naysayer to the travel ban was the newly elected right-wing President of Germany who announced that he would encourage all Americans to visit his beautiful country–except for Jews, of course.
Not to be outdone, Trump decided to make official what was getting to be pretty obvious anyway, and signed an official alliance with Russia. The partnership, abbreviated as the TPB, would stand for the Trump-Putin Bromance. As part of the alliance, Trump agreed to sell his buddy his DC hotel (which he said privately was going bankrupt anyway), to be known as the Putin Plaza, where you could get the best borsht and blini in town. In return Putin agreed to allow his counterpart to build the 60 story Trump Moscow Tower, and to rename the Volga as the Melania River. In addition, Putin assured Trump that he would provide land just outside of Moscow for Trump to build a grand country club and golf course. And finally, being the generous man he is, Putin went so far as to assure Trump that he could build a golf course in every new country that Russia invaded.
Once one domino fell and started the momentum, the rest of the world order quickly began to topple. Not to be left without an ally, the European Union sought a partner, and China showed great willingness to become part of the new world order, at which point NAATO, the North Atlantic Asian Treaty Organization, was founded. Citing common interests, Canada, Panama, and Greenland signed a treaty for mutual defense, the three nations to be known as NUSA, or Not-the-USA. Hamas signed, well, they’re still looking for a partner…

Commenting on the many changes in the world, JD Vance mimicked his boss’s bravado, saying it mattered little what everyone else did. The USA was always numero uno, and its new alliance with Mother Russia would only solidify its status at the very very top. Showing his breadth of knowledge, both near and far, the Vice President said, “It’s not that big a big deal. In fact, it’s just like here in college athletics. If the Big 10 can have 18 members, and Stanford and Berkeley can be members of the Atlantic Coast Conference, then everything else makes sense, doesn’t it?”