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Call it the Powerplay Polka, the Terrorist Tango, or maybe the Soleimani Samba.
We’ve just witnessed a dance choreographed by two dictators, Donald Trump, supreme ruler of the U S of A, and the mighty Ayetollah, holy leader of Iran. Light on their feet, dashing and graceful, they have become the stars of the international quick step competition.
The steps of are simple. Two hated enemies, both thinking that the other might be sufficiently evil or mad to actually start a war of epic proportions, convince each other that they must choreograph a dance to bedazzle the international panel of judges. Imagine two opponents turning into temporary partners for one featured dance, waltzing artfully to a tune that makes each seem brave and ferocious, as nimble as they are noxious.
The music begins and so does the dance:
Trump takes the lead, and Qassim Soleimani goes down.
Iran expresses outrage, and threatens dire consequences.
Trump says publicly, “I’m mean, unpredictable, and deranged. Mess with me and see all of Iran in rubbles. War crimes, shmor-crimes. Look out Persepolis, and tell your women and children to stay out of our way.”
Trump says privately, “Holy crap, what have I gotten myself into. If the Middle East goes up in smoke, I’ll lose the Jewish vote.”
The Ayotollah says, “How about we bomb you guys in Iraq, but not really. We’ll tell you where and when we’re coming, and then send some old missiles that we’ve been trying to get rid of anyway. We beat our chests and announce to all that we have forced the evil Americans to pay by attacking them.”
“Even I get it,” says twinkle-toes Donald. “We praise our brave forces for resisting the Iranian onslaught, and remind the world that no Americans were harmed, the US is invincible, and I am brilliant.”
“I do the old dosey-do,” says the Ayetollah, “you do the macarena, and everybody, except for Soleimani, is happy.”
They twirl, they spin, they do their magic. The rabbit stays in the hat, and the heavy-duty missiles stay in the silos. Part melodrama, part farce, part charade. All choreographed brilliantly. And everyone saves face and lives to fight, quite assuredly, another day.
Doing the Retaliation Rumba.
