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There’s a real difference between what some have called “quarantine fatigue” and what I would call quarantine madness. Yes, I can understand now why the dog gets so excited whenever someone or something appears out the window. And finally I can comprehend why barking at a squirrel on the front lawn might relieve some of the tedium of the day.
But that doesn’t explain the mass protest against the Governor’s social distancing edicts at the State Capitol in Boston. It doesn’t explain the fact that similar protestors were openly armed in Michigan. And who could possibly make sense of the fact that a Dollar Store employee was shot and killed yesterday by the father of a teenager when the employee insisted that the girl could not enter the store without a mask.
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Could it be that Thomas Jefferson had something slightly different in mind than the Massachusetts or Michigan protestors? Could he have envisioned a time when we faced a choice, physically rather than metaphorically, between life and the pursuit of happiness.
The Worcester, Mass preacher who is being fined for holding Sunday morning services insists that the ban on mass gatherings violates his constitutionally given rights. Heaven knows, I worry when governments try to infringe on basic rights, but doesn’t this seem to be the exception that proves the rule. And I find it interesting not to have heard the ACLU rushing to support the Worcester preacher, although they almost never allow for exceptions to their principles. How dare a state governor tell citizens that the freedom to spread disease and death in their own family and community is not an inalienable right.
Far-fetched and admittedly tongue-in-cheek, here’s my solution to those protesters who cannot wait one more day to get out from under the oppression of big government. First, off the coast of Florida we locate an uninhabited island. Then, with the help of the Army Corps of Engineers, we immediately construct a beautiful city with all the amenities that any quarantine protestor would like, and we entice every protestor to move to this new paradise. In our Isle of Unworry, people will be able to move about as freely as possible, in fact they will be encouraged to rub elbows, shake hands, and hug. Masks will be very specifically outlawed, but weapons will not.
Everything on the Isle will be back to normal. We will have shiny malls where people can pack in tightly and make their purchases. Every one of these centers of commerce will have a variety of fine dining choices from Wendy’s to McDonalds to KFC to Subway. Tattoo parlors will be open 24-7, and MAGA hats will go for half off. To seal the deal, beer will be free in the Isle of Unworry, especially to minors.
Of course, the Army Corps will likely be so busy building places where people can socialize and have fun that they won’t have time for now to build hospitals, but who cares, nobody’s going to get sick anyway.
