0
0
The Corona virus has spread wildly, via direct contact with those infected and via direct contact with the media. Believed to have started in Wuhan China and spread rapidly, it has now affected people on six continents (I’m considering moving to Antarctica—if only I could figure out how to get there without having to fly on a germ-infested airplane).
If there were ever a term to describe its coverage and spread, this is truly a disease that has “gone viral.” Advice, opinion, and statistics are so prevalent that on ABC’s national newscast last evening, we heard talk of pandemics and handwashing for the preponderance of the broadcast, but on the day before six key Democratic primaries, we did not hear the names Biden or Sanders spoken a single time.
In spite of our obsession with the latest viral scare, I thought that we ought not forget the terrible epidemic that originated in the US in Nov 2016, the MAGA virus. As in the case of typhoid fever just over 150 years ago, it was thought to be spread initially by a single carrier, known as Typhoid Mary. The MAGA virus, spread by Divisive Donald, has infected whole communities throughout the land, although its outbreak seems to be primarily in the South and Midwest and its virulence has been greatest among those who have not been inoculated by a college education.
A hotspot, which has caused spread throughout the world as well as the nation, has been the sleepy hamlet of Washington, DC. In a neighborhood known as Capitol Hill, the MAGA virus has been shown to attack cortical centers that are critical for good judgement and complex thinking. As a result, otherwise well-educated men and women with active cases of MAGA revert to repeating certain phrases over and over such as “He didn’t do anything wrong,” or “I don’t think it rises to the level of…” Spreading beyond DC, MAGA has been responsible for an abandonment of common sense and the tendency to adopt the practice of certain farm animals, namely following like sheep.
Epidemiologists believe that MAGA might not be an entirely novel strain, as its symptoms bear a strong resemblance to the McCarthy Virus that struck in the 1950’s. So far, this new strain seems to be resistant to all known antidotes, although a concerted effort to produce an effective vaccine has been initiated.
Initially, Leftouing Pharmaceuticals had produced a prototype, BernE78, that might generate a strong outpouring of antigens which would overwhelm the virus, but after promising early results, recent trials have been disappointing. An alternative drug, Joebama, has begun to show that it may work by enlisting a certain a combination of anti-viral elements, the so-called Peteamymike cocktail of viral fighters. In clinical trials now, it is hoped that the new vaccine will be available by early November.
In response to both threats, the public is advised to scrub their hands—and brains—for at least 20 seconds at a time, to avoid going out of the house, and, as Mike Pence would tell us—pray for the best.
