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Once the first announcements came down, the dominos starting falling, the s__t hit the fan, and everything, yes everything, started sliding down the slippery slope.
Monday morning, with my bowl of cereal sitting before me, my wife looks over and calmly says, “Did you see, Tucker Carlson is out at Fox.”
“No way,” I say. “That’s ridiculous. It can’t be. Next thing you’ll start telling me that Don Lemon is out at CNN.” And within moments the news came. Presto change-o, good bye Don.
Maybe it was like a prisoner swap, I think to myself. Under armed guard, Don Lemon gets walked over a bridge and handed over to Fox, while good old Tucker quietly crosses over the border and finds asylum at CNN.
But, like I said, once the first domino fell, all hell broke loose.
Kamala Harris receives a telegram, direct from the Biden White House. “Dear Ms. Harris…while it has been a pleasure having you serve as the Vice president for these past three years, your services are no longer needed. We hope you will be pleased by the generous severance package we have provided for you. Please be assured that it is far more generous than the one we have offered Diane Feinstein.”
“Dear Justice Thomas, we have valued your sharp intellect and the great respect you have shown toward women throughout your career. You must realize that nothing in the law is set in stone, and that the meaning of “lifetime appointment” is, like all truths these days, open to interpretation. We hope you and Ginni will enjoy having more free time to vacation with your benefactor Harlan Crow.”
And so the pink slips went out, one after another.
Mr. Zuckerberg: … it was a great idea when you founded it, but really, what kind of name is Meta…
Mr Musk: We do love your electric cars. We hope this gives you more time to refine your work on rocket engines…
Mr Lindell: We hope this letter will not make you lose sleep. However, if you are having trouble, we can definitely recommend a good pillow…
Mikey: We appreciate that you like Life cereal, but these days sweet cereals aren’t really…
And so it went. Sweet Lily was devastated when she got her notice from AT&T. I understand that she checked into a rehab facility to deal with her depression. Her one request: Please, no phone calls.
Most devastated of all was Smokey Bear. He released a statement through his agent: I should have seen it coming when they took away my beloved middle name “The.”
He was last seen angrily running into the forest–with a box of matches.
