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Question: What do Tucker Carlson and George Santos and Donald Trump have in common?
Answer: They all lie (a lot).
But that’s far too easy. That’s only a small part of the real answer requiring an in-depth analysis of the art and science of lying. And just as we might learn chess by studying the brilliant strategies of the grandmasters, we can learn useful lessons about fibbing in public from great men such as these who take falsehood to its highest form.
First, we must have the appearance of verisimilitude. If you say it as if you mean it, as if you really really mean it, then it must be true. Successful lies must be stated as if you are insulted by anyone who might challenge you. “How dare you accuse me of thinking Trump is a madman. I don’t have any idea where you got that impression,” says the never-deceitful Tucker Carlson.
Next, the best liars are not only sincere and adamant about statements made in the course of their deceitfulness, but they are totally unapologetic about their falsehoods. Successful sociopaths such as Mssrs. Carlson, Santos, and Trump have no regrets, no compunctions about anything they do or say, no concern for the effects of their dissimulation on others. Say it, do it, is their motto–as long as it promotes your own purposes. “Well, I might have exaggerated just a bit on my resume. But here I am in Washington, elected by the wonderful voters in my district, so just go away and stop bothering me.”
Next, you must tell the lie time and time again. Scientific studies in the best respected non-peer-reviewed journals tell us that lies gain .047% in truthfulness each time they are repeated. Repeat them yourself, and then even better, get other people to repeat them over and over again. After a while, it just sort of sounds like it must be true.
Third, when accused of being two-faced, deny any wrongdoing vehemently using any and all defenses, no matter how irrational. Tucker Carlson tells us now that he “loves’ Trump. Just because he said the opposite in numerous private text messages, he argues, why should you believe that this reveals anything about his true feelings. Certainly the things that he says for public consumption, the things that have been scripted and rehearsed, are to be taken as the gospel truth, not those silly little statements that he wrote privately to his colleagues believing that they would never be revealed. It’s a great defense because it’s so illogical that it’s hard to know where or how to question it.
Two final lessons, one a simple take-away from this analysis of duplicity, the second from the reigning heavyweight world champion of lying.
- Although none of these men are Jewish (well, if you believe him, the Honorable Representative from the State of New York is Jew-ish), the one required personal characteristic of all successful liars is chutzpah. If challenged about a brazen falsehood, a) deny it and b) attack the challenger with an air of total arrogance. A favorite phrase to use when attacking the challenger, as full of irony as possible, is to confront the other and shout “Liar.”
- Anticipating the possibility of having to put his right hand on the Bible and to testify under oath in court to tell the truth, Donald Trump has secretly told me the way around truth-telling in spite of swearing on the Bible. Applying a strategy that could be devised by no one other than this brilliant genius, he has told me, “I did it during my inauguration and I’ll do it again this time around. While everyone is listening to you swearing to tell the truth and focusing closely on your right hand on the Bible, I cross my fingers on my left hand. That way, it’s all null and void, and I can say anything I want. Pretty smart, eh.”
